So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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