I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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