Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
