I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize