I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
