the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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