Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
