I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
