Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
