at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
