Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
