I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
