On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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