so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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