if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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