He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
