your parents love me but you hate me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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