You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
