i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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