yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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