ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
