I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
