And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
