you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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