Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize