Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.

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(916): View more from California

I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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(206): View more from Washington

My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.

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(989): View more from Michigan

in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

(773): View more from Illinois

SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.

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(457): View more from

Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though

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(616): View more from Michigan

I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!

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