kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
