one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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