i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
