is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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