Ambien. No doubt about it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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