so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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