i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
honey bunches of taint.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
