need another drink. this is the easiest way
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
