You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
