now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
