i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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