im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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