Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
