you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
