just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she told me i tasted like america
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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