There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
