My sheets look like a crime scene.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
