We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
