you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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