Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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