you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
