I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
