hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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