never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
