she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
