What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
