Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize