why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
