No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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