Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
