saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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