I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize