nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
