I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like death gave me a hand job
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is my gift to your gina
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
