you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
