I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
