why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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