How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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