Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
