LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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