He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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