My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
