I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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