Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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