I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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