Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
