my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
